Denial
by Oni queen
Summary: “Your still in love with my father, aren’t you?” Harry needs the truth. SSHP and past SSJP


Title:Denial.

Summary: Harry needs the truth. SSHP and past SSJP

Rating: PG-13?

AU! AU! I wrote this on a whim at work after reading some lovely translated Snarry Doujinshi. It hasn't been proof read yet, so its probably god awful and will cause brain haemorrhages to spelling and grammar Nazi's. I might come back to this later, because for some reason I have the need to add another chapter, but I need some insperation.I really like how I wrote Severus's lines, but Harry I think is a little too whiney.

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"Your still in love with my father, aren't you?" Harry asked quietly, as he stood in the middle of Prof. Snape's office.

Snape looked up, from the paper he was grading, to the 16-year-old Harry. Something akin to shock quickly passed over his eyes before turning back to an indifferent glaze.

"Mr.Potter, where on earth did you hear such a idiotic idea?" Snape asked as he put the red quill in his hand on his desk with his almost to calm of hand.

A cold pain went over Harry. The professor's reaction was not what he had expected, he had hoped for anger, denial, for bitterness, for him to throw something at Harry, Anything! But the calm teacher's reaction made him feel sick.

Harry, one night while going through some old stuff of Sirus's, found an old Journal that belonged to his father. He was happy; to find a book that could tell him a bit more of his father, but the joy was short lived as soon as he opened a few pages.

He found out, that in his father's seventh year, that His father, James, had an affair with Severus Snape, all the while he was dating his mother. It was horrible; at night he would sleep with Snape, and in the day he would go out with his mother, Lily Evans. With Harry's mother completely oblivious to it all.

With in the pages, Harry read some very descriptive pages his father wrote about where he had sex with his mother one day and with Snape the other, but the pages where he wrote about Harry's mother where never as descriptive as when James wrote about Snape. In one of the few Pages where his father wrote about sleeping with Snape, that Severus in the end had said that he loved James.

His father in the last few pages of the Journal was confused on whom to choose, because it actually felt that James was in love with Snape. It caused Harry to cry, because on the last page, it wrote.

'Lily says that she's late…' 

"It doesn't matter." Harry said to the man in front of him. He lowered his head, his hand started to play with the hem of his robe.

"No, Mister Potter. I want to know. Where in your little adventures, did you hear such a thing?" Severus spoke so coldly it sent shivers down his spine.

"It doesn't matter!" Harry said loudly, "Is it true?" Harry shivered. _"Please, say no! Please! Please tell me I wasn't a mistake; please tell me that it isn't really my fault that you hate me, please! Please! Please don't say you still love my father, and break my heart!" _Harry pleaded in his mind. His heart beating fast and eagerly,

Harry heard his professor take a deep breathe in, and an awkward pause until Snape spoke again.

"Mr. Potter, my love life is not a topic I wish to discuss with my students. In fact I belief that this is disrespect towards a teacher to ask such a question." A mean smirk came across his face, which caused Harry to almost start crying. " 10 points from Gryffindor. Now Get out of my office." He said as he picked up his quill again and turned to his paper.

"I'm sorry sir." Harry said as he turned and walked to the door, trying hard not to look to eager to leave.

Harry shut the door and leaned against the wall. He let out a soft sob, and let the tears he was holding back fall freely down his cheek. The urge not to run was held back long enough, and he turned towards the exit from the dungeons and ran, ran as fast as he could. He knew that people would see him, but he didn't care. He just had to run, run from the pain knowing the true feelings Severus felt for him, all along he though that he hated him because he hated his father. But Severus saw him as a mistake, the cause of his father leaving him, and ultimately probably leading him to the death eaters. He also, saw the truth as to why Severus would never love him.

Harry stopped, unaware of his surroundings, he found himself on top of the astronomy tower. "He hates me, because I was a mistake. He hates me because I was conceived." He sobbed. "He hates me, He hates me." He leaned on the wall of the tower and looked out on the sky covered with grey storm clouds.

"But I love him." He sobbed as he wrapped his arms around his legs and brought his knees to his face where he proceeded to cry into them.

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Boo Hoo! sob I know, this probably feels repeated. But I just needed to actuall see a SSHP and SSJP fic out there. Wish me luck! I might actually continue this! (Unlike my other fic, Sorry people who where expecting another chapter for 'Of Expectations and Truth ' )


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